guest post: Pat Jackson...

Listen up foodies, here comes some tough love.  You need protein for your brain.  Fact.  Sometimes a burger is in order. For those of you that don’t know, Genghis Khan invented the burger.  Genghis Khan was a smart guy; he obviously ate a lot of protein.  Did he put tofu, beans, and bread crumbs under his saddle so they’d be tender after a long day’s ride?  No, he put meat under his saddle.  He ate burgers for dinner, and you should too (don’t eat them raw like Genghis Khan did, Genghis Khan was tougher than you and me).

To make the perfect burger you want a 5 ounce patty.  Not some fruity 4 ounce patty or some fat-ass half pound patty, 5 ounces exactly.  That means if you buy 1 pound of burger you can get three 5 ounce patties and feed the remaining ounce to your dog, he needs protein too!  (Or break my rules and make 5.33 ounce patties, but it won’t be a totally perfect burger).

If you are less of a hunter and more of a gatherer then you need to go to the grocery store for your meat.  I recommend 90/10 or 95/5 burger (larger numbers are meat, small numbers are fat).  This makes a leaner burger, but has enough fat to stay together in the pan.

Add this flesh to a large bowl.  To this bowl add 1 tablespoon kosher salt (not table salt) and 2 teaspoons course black pepper per pound of meat.   One may also add the following, though not necessarily all in the same batch: 1 diced jalapeno, 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce, and/or ¼ cup grated Romano or parmesan cheese. Mix this by hand till evenly distributed.  Bust out your scale, measure out 5 ounces per patty, and form into balls.

Let these balls rest a minute or two, then take one ball, and twist it in your hands.  One hand will be turning clockwise, the other counter clockwise.  This takes a bit of practice, but eventually you’ll get the hang of it.  Do this until your burger is about ½ inch thick.

Take your cast iron skillet (You have one right?  You’re really a gatherer if you don’t own a cast iron skillet) and turn up your fire of choice to medium high.  After the skillet is hot, add each burger and start your timer.  You’re going to want to go 5 minutes per side for medium and 6 for medium well.  During any of this don’t mash the burger patty down, that’s wrong.  Don’t do it.

After the second side is cooked flip back over, add cheese, place a lid on the skillet, and leave on heat for 1-2 minutes for cheese to melt.  Take off heat, let rest for 3-5 minutes, garnish as desired (bacon or ham are recommended), and enjoy.  Your ancestors evolved into omnivores, don’t let their hard work go to waste.